All laughed at this ridiculous tale
Except the sheriff, separate from the fold,
stood at the bar nursing his drink.
"I don't give two horseshits what
He blurted out, obviously quite drunk.
"What we've heard
is just a lot of bunk!
None of you know life beyond the veil
decency, which is itself a tale
We tell ourselves to make it through
But now I'll tell a tale about the way
Life is lived
here in America --
Of the Moose and his Angelica,
And a moment of
That ought to turn to ice the energy
The New Age idiots
babble on about.
This will shut them up, I have no doubt."
just hold on!" the bartender complained.
"The point of this is to be
Tales ought give us truth admixed with play
So we have
art instead of everyday."
"Well, here's my truth!" the sheriff
growled. "The kind
That leaves not one sweet bit of balm behind.
baker said through tales we can know well
Another's truth. So welcome
to my hell!
It's what life is like in our time,
gives way to crime,
And drugs become the quintessential
Investors can make profits on. I would
Not want you to go on
with shuttered eyes,
So here's the truth I live, with no
Once there was a dealer in hard
Who used to kill his enemies with hugs.
He'd snap your
backbone like a walking stick,
Or merely crush your ribs and make you
They called him in the neighborhood the Moose
was as big as a caboose,
All muscle, and his avarice knew no bounds.
shortchange customers on weight,
And any who complained soon met their
Within the jaws of death that were his arms.
Among his many
other well-known charms
Was his jealousy about his wife,
soft spot in his granitic life,
Whom like a vicious dog he would
Warning away all who would inspect
Her opulent treasures,
So all would know where he alone could
She loved him, too, her mountain of a man,
passion strongly in her ran,
But she knew well how well to stoke his
And then as well to satisfy desire.
So these two would several
times a day
Be at it like two pigeons hard at play.
wife was named Angelica,
An angel to him, and, in character,
a god to her, both strong and wise,
Colossus that bestrode her
One day a dealer that the Moose supplied
couriers to go inside
The Moose's house to watch him weigh the
And make sure that for once they got enough.
For everyone knew
well the Moose would weigh
His finger with the stash they had to
For by the ounce. So these two men intended
To see that they
received what Moose contended.
Al and John they were, two tough young
When they came, the Moose and they had words,
insisting that they had to stay
While Moose their many purchases would
The Moose insisting he had naught to hide,
allowing them inside.
As he weighed, Moose bragged about his
How she was the story of his life,
How hot she was, and what
she oft would do
To pleasure him. But these young toughs well
The strategy: To make them look at her
When she came in, at
which time Moose could err
A bit here and a bit there in his
While they his wife's sweet hanging fruit would
Looking where their real concern was not.
stories told to make them hot,
Moose described each afternoon's
Angelica, in scanty top bedight,
Would lean upon the
While Moose behind would take her unawares
she stared at the parking lot below,
Face expressionless, that none
The glory that was going on behind
As Moose thrust in and
then began to grind.
"I'll tell you, boys, that wife of mine's a
Moose said. "There's none on earth like her for
But when she entered, dressed in very little,
briefs and halter, naked round the middle,
Al and John just stared at
As though they were both hammering a nail
the center. So the Moose
Stopped weighing weed and told them to hang
For just a moment while he made a call,
Then left the room,
leaving them with all
The millions in illegal drugs
Al and John exchanged a look, then started
To take a
little here, a little there,
While Angelica resumed her stare
the kitchen window at the back,
Then asked them whether they came in
Lamborghini that was parked outside.
"Why, yes," they
said. "We took it for a ride.
Our boss, the Butcher, told us to
Any chick we might want to undress."
"Well, take another
look," she said. "It's gone."
And in a New York minute Al and
Were racing out the door to see their car
Spinning left out to
"Shit!" they said. "Our ass is grass!" And ran
get a cab quick, and the mean streets scan,
While Moose weighed out
their purchases as he
Saw fit; that is, not quite
When the boys returned, they said they'd found
Lamborghini in a marsh, half drowned,
And had their boss's tow truck
pull it out.
"Sorry, boys," Moose said. "Without a doubt,
shouldn't park a car like that out here.
These teenagers run wild,
They'd shoot you in the head just for your shirt.
on your way out, be on the alert."
Moose laughed as Al and John
went out the door,
No two ever wanting vengeance more.
next day the Butcher had a plan
And sent Al and John back in a
Which they parked beneath the second floor
Window in the
afternoon. They saw
The Moose come over to investigate
And shot him
with a tranquilizer straight
Into his chest, enough to stun a
And while he was staggering, they pulled
Him into the van and
chained him to the wall
Hands and feet, so he couldn't move at
Then stuffed his mouth with rags and covered his eyes
him still and suffocate his cries.
When he came to, he pulled with
all his might
Against the chains that held his body tight
the van wall reinforced with steel.
But, unlike Samson, no God would
Himself to him to add faith to his strength.
Moose was forced to yield at length
And hang like meat, defeated, from
While Al told him in vivid detail all
That was to follow,
so that he might suffer
The full torment that this hell had to
And when Al made the horror of it clear,
He slashed the
Moose's throat from ear to ear.
Next John slipped inside the
And quietly tip-toed to the second floor
Angelica was in the shower,
Preparing for the still-appointed
When Moose would take her from behind, while she
upon the world expressionlessly.
At last she came out in a scanty
As John peeked out a closet door, then propped
the sill, her lovely face
Emerging as the sign all was in
Al tried to pull the Moose out of the van,
with the weight of that huge man.
He tugged and pushed and tugged with
all his might
(Even dead, the Moose put up a fight),
Afraid he'd be
too late, while John above
Entered the sweet precincts of his
Feeling her wet passion as she came
Against him, muttering the
By which time Al had got the Moose around
to dump him on the ground.
Moose lay on his back, his glassy
Staring vacant straight up at his wife's,
Who, looking down,
could not at first take in
The fullness of the truth
Around her. Then she met her husband's stare
a scream no one should ever hear.
Yet hear it still we do, day
As life goes on in the old modern way
In this, the
century we call 21.
Here I rest my case; my tale's