I Used to Be Completely Cruel and Heartless
Copyright by Nicholas Gordon
I used to think the goal of life was pleasure:My own, of course, whatever that might take.A woman's feelings had to be her problem.Self-sacrifice was always a mistake.
And so, with just the slightest twinge of conscience,I hunted for my lonely ecstasy;And even when I wanted a companion,The only one I cared about was me.
We make our worlds, like God, in our own image:Mine was a metropolis of stoneIn which all souls were either fools or cynics,Doomed to take their pleasure on their own.
And then I fell in love with you, and somehowYour happiness meant more to me than mine.The desert became green and lush with flowers,And like a sun my heart began to shine.
And like a wind I swept across the ocean,And like a star exploded into night,And like a song I held love in my hands,And like an angel knew that this was right.
All that I had thought was proven wrong,All the lies to justify my greed.To love was to embrace the pith of life,To feel a joy far stronger than a need.
And if I could so love, I could be loved,Could think someone might want me and believe it,Could let another know me without shame,Could give my self and know I could retrieve it.
All this I tell you that I might be known,That all of me no longer be alone;And if you do not love the one I am,So be it. I will weep, but understand.